Mockingbird Wars

This is what it takes to leave my house.


It all started when I arrived home from a 13 hour shift. Excited and relaxed to finally be home, I did what we all do. I walked from my car to my front door. During this short journey I became aware of flapping about my head. "What the fu#@???" I screamed and ran in the house. I looked out the front door and saw a Mockingbird giving me the stink eye. I don't deserve this.

My property is a damn bird sanctuary. Each one of my boxwood and holly bushes is home to baby birds. Mockingbirds and Robins are the predominant mamas. When I see a baby on the ground, I pick it up and put it back in the bush. I even feed it a snack.

In Joseph's shed, bird nests abound in the rafters. I walked in one nights and he was carrying a box and walking funny. "what's going on?" I asked.

"A baby" he said.

"Oh".

Two weeks ago I would have squealed and tried to play with it. At this stage in the game baby birds were getting old. Jospeh escorted the baby back to it's nest and the mom took over.

All I'm saying is that we do our part. So, why Momma Mockingbird have you decided I'm some kind of bird serial killer? I didn't even know you had baby birds in my holly bush until you started these regular ambushes. Haven't you ever heard of keeping things on the down low??

Now, I can't even go out my front door without worrying or receiving an ambush. I've already got anxiety. I don't need this. Joseph and Waldo have also been ambushed. Basically anyone who walks the path to our front door will be attacked by Momma Mockingbird.

Fine, I said, I'll just avoid the front door. It's scenarios like these that back doors were designed for. So, I'm hanging out by my back porch writing an email and I get an ambush! Nowhere is safe. I screamed and ran to Mikes. Being a wise man he distracted me by making me eat his blueberry bush. Mike told me I need to show them whose boss.

How?? I don't want to kill the babies. I'm not willing to go to those kinds of extremes.

So for now, I'm doing the hat, water spray bottle, broom approach. Maybe if I give her one swat she'll leave me alone. I'm open to mediation, but I don't feel like we are communicating very well right now.

Waldo just giving her the cold shoulder. I wish I was calm enough to do that.

To add insult to injury while wrestling with Steve (the rooster) he pooped on me! WTF Steve! You're supposed to be my badass rooster. You shouldn't be shitting your pants when I pick you up!

Today was not a good bird day. I may have to look into tattoo removal.

Garden updates:

We are enjoying red leaf lettuce, broccoli rabe, arugula, cauliflower and parsley. The tomatoes are popping and green. The eggplant is flowering. My watermelon sprouts are popping up as well as some Swiss Chard, but I'm not very hopeful on the chard. I think it's too warm. It's been about 90 degrees every day.