Sibling Fun

We've spent the last two weeks entertaining. Two weeks ago my in laws stayed for a week, and last week my little sister, her boyfriend Jefe and dog Sam visited. While my sister and I share a family, memories, mannerisms and a great relationship, our similarities end there.

One definite difference is my love of exercise and her extreme adversion to activity and discomfort.  After a bit of casual persuasion, Jefe and I convinced her that a canoe trip down the red river would be a very leisurely activity. I explained that we would be going downstream and that very little paddling was necessary if Jefe was willing to pick up the slack, and he was. We arrived at the canoe rental place and were taken in a graffitti covered school bus to a spot on the river a few miles away. On the way to the canoes the canoe guys were talking about how easy it was to canoe the Red River. Today, they said, the river was going at a decent speed and we would barely need to paddle. Then they told a story in which they made fun of a past canoe rider. The rider had fallen out of the canoe and had required rescuing. One of the workers walked out to him, as he flailed in the river and told him to stand up. The water was only three feet deep, he heckled!

We arrived at our destination and set out amongst other boaters on the river. Joseph and I pushed off first. Nina and Jefe approached. We had been canoeing for about 90 seconds. Facing each other in the canoe (not the correct way to canoe) they argued about who was sitting in the wrong position. Seconds later I looked back and their dog Sam had jumped out of the canoe for his first swim. And then, Nina and Jefe were in the water clinging to their canoe. An undercurrent had taken advantage of them in their argument. After Joseph and I rescued the dog we pulled over to the docile side of the river. As I watched Nina fully emmersed, save her head, cling to the canoe I was paralyzed with laughter, nearly wetting my pants. Remembering the heckler's story she attempted to stand in the water and steady herself. It turned out that this part of the river was much deeper and by her later account she "almost drowned". As multiple other canoers passed them and wondered out loud if they "needed to help that girl" I began to pull myself together and wonder if perhaps I should help the girl. Luckily Jefe managed to turn the canoe upright and bring Nina to shore. I didn't nickname him boss for no good reason! 

Once upright and back onboard all three passengers of the shipwrecked vessel were visibly shaken and shaking. Sam did not move from his spot for the rest of the trip. Nina and Jefe agreed to face the same direction. When offered a beer Jefe decreed a commitment to sobriety for the rest of the trip for safety's sake. I tallied the casualties. Nina and Jefe no longer had lifejackets (I advised against wearing them because of the mugginess), Nina was now without a paddle or flipflops, my sandwich was gone and the chips were soggy. Luckily Nina's flip flops were buoyant and were eventually recovered. The sandwich and the paddle were never seen again. The life jackets were spotted but were again deemed useless and inconvenient to catch as the accident had already occurred. Joseph and I lamented that our canoe had not capsized and continued to find humor in the fact that theirs had. By the end of the day, when all were dry, we agreed that the experience had been a good one.

Another difference between my sister and I are the discrepancies in our dogs' behaviors. Joseph and I are owned by three black dogs whereas Nina and Jefe are owners of a dog named Sam.

Our boss is an 8 pound mini dachshund named Anna who barks to get what she wants (she wants to be picked up) and destroys squeaky toys with a vicious ferocity. 

Anna confiscated this bone from unworthy dogs

Her favorite past time is killing baby birds. 

Here she is posing as Hitler.....for funsies!!

Ichabod is a 10 pound mutt who enjoys rolling around in shit and dead things and if at all possible eating shit. Cat poop fresh from a litter box is his absolute favorite flavor. Ichabod also enjoys watching sports with his friend "Ski daddy". 

Ichabod is the badass on the right

Bill Scrapps weighs in at 15 pounds and was formerly homeless. He took up with us after bullying us into keeping him. Basically he stalked us. When Sam arrived at the house Bill welcomed him by peeing outside his bedroom door. (Friends and family: He'd never done this before, and hasn't done it since, so still come visit us!!) 

To sum it up, my dogs don't know any tricks and they'll "come" when they're ready. 

Even my chickens have been known to cruise the fridge.

No more grapes?? WTF???

Sam, on the other hand, has graduated from obedience school, knows tricks and never barks! He had never eaten human food prior to his arrival. Anyone who meets Sam is awestruck by his mild manners and winning personality. So much has changed.

Exhibit Number One:

By the end of the trip we all had more pictures of this particular hump train than can possibly be normal.

Sam "prefers the middle"

Here's one of Sam obviously having the most fun.

In addition to belonging to a threesome of gang-bangers, Sam was personally trained by Anna over the course of the week to bark. 

On their last night with us I threw an early birthday party for Nina. I presented her with a cake made by my talented friend Melissa. 

That's a frosting Sam in the middle. I don't know why Nina loves Penguins.

As Melissa told Nina that she used organic ingredients and the joy in Nina's face was replaced with disgust, Melissa changed tacks and reassured her that there was still plenty of sugar and butter in it! (Earlier in the week I had tricked Nina into consuming AND enjoying a smoothie with kale in it and she was still recovering.) After we all partook in the eating of a perfectly delicious cake and gathered around the fire, Nina returned to her beloved Penguins and Sam which she had vowed to save and bring home and had lovingly stored in a box on the table. Frosting Sam had gone missing! Joseph noted that dog Sam appeared to be eating something in the grass. By the time we swarmed around the dog, there was no evidence left. Nina and Jefe smelled Sam's breath and reported that it definitely smelled like sugar. We couldn't decide what was more baffling, that A) Sam had taken food off the table and eaten it, a new behavior for him, or B) That he had paw picked the replica of himself for consumption and left all nine penguins intact. At this point it was official, Sam was leaving Tennessee a corrupted pup.

In addition to all this fun I brought Nina and Jefe to a restaurant where the waitress informed us that the soup of the day was "gestapo". 

"Umm, do you mean gazpacho?" I asked. 

"Oh, whoops!" She giggled. (Friends and family: Still come visit! There weren't really Nazis in the kitchen!!)

Despite Nina and my personality differences, I think it's safe to say we had a blast.