I live in two worlds. I seamlessly flow between them. One world is an up and coming, metropolitan, southern city. The people are from all over. Only a few have Southern accents. In most ways they could be people from any U.S. city.
The other planet is rural Tennessee. Everyone has an accent. Everyone hunts. Everyone goes to Church. Everyone is really nice. In my last post I was in rural Tennessee, but this post is all city. A rural Tennessean would be a fish out of water in this story. What I imagine an exaggerated rural Tennessean saying in response to my evening, [I've written in brackets.]
It was Thanksgiving Eve. Joseph had left with all the dogs after work and gone up to the farmhouse. [What's this two house deal?] I decided to stay home alone in our city condo to get some homework done and go to yoga the next morning. [What are you doing staying in the city all alone, and why are you going to a yoga class on Thanksgiving morning?] Because I was all alone on a Wednesday night, I decided to go to the stretchy relaxy yoga class I often intend to go to, but rarely do. Yoga was great. There were just three of us and the instructor cracked silly jokes the whole time. [Wait, why was the yoga class funny?] By the end of class I was loose as a goose. [Goose meat is tough, not loose].
One of the yogis had been dropped off by her husband and baby at the beginning of class. [What is a yogi, and why does it leave its baby?] As we rolled up our yoga mats she asked if anyone was heading towards the west side of town. Her baby was sleeping at home and her husband didn't want to wake him. "I'm not too far from there and I've got nothing going on so I'll bring you" I said. [Don't give strangers rides at night, especially ones that leave their babies].
She hopped in my car and we started talking about animals. She told me her life had been changed years ago when she adopted a rat. [Who the hell adopts a rat?] She heard about him on a message board. He was intended as snake food and the snake rejected him. So she rescued him from the owner and got him into an animal rescue. He was unadoptable due to his skiddish nature so the temporary adoption agency called her and told her they would have to euthanize him. She couldn't deal with this idea so she took him. She nurtured him from a fearful rat as he "blossomed into a beautiful little person". They lived together for years until one day, at an elderly age, he died sleeping in his rat hammock. [Why would you welcome a rat into your house, and how do you furnish a rat with a hammock?]
"That's a beautiful story" I said. "We should all go that way". I was comforted that she felt obliged to rescue a rat twice. We need more rat rescuers in this world. [No, we need to kill all the rats in this world]
As we drove on I discovered that like myself she was a participant in a Kooky two house living situation. [So there's two of y'all carrying on this way, huh?] Her deal trumped mine though. She and her husband were both liberal arts professors. [Figures] She taught in Oregon while he was a professor locally. And, they also have a year old baby together. I asked how this all works out and she explained that for half the year she is basically a single mom. She said if they could ever find jobs in the same city that would be great, but that her current situation was working out for now. [There's something funny going on with this deal]
As we tinkered along the nighttime city streets in my car a pair of glowing eyes suddenly appeared on the side of the road. "A kitty! " she exclaimed. I slowed, swerved and avoided the cat. We both took deep breaths of relief. Shortly after we arrived at her house. "It was nice getting to know you" I said. "You too" she replied. "And we survived the kitty cat incident!" she added. [Y'all are a mess and you don't even know each others' names]
And then, I drove home.
The other planet is rural Tennessee. Everyone has an accent. Everyone hunts. Everyone goes to Church. Everyone is really nice. In my last post I was in rural Tennessee, but this post is all city. A rural Tennessean would be a fish out of water in this story. What I imagine an exaggerated rural Tennessean saying in response to my evening, [I've written in brackets.]
It was Thanksgiving Eve. Joseph had left with all the dogs after work and gone up to the farmhouse. [What's this two house deal?] I decided to stay home alone in our city condo to get some homework done and go to yoga the next morning. [What are you doing staying in the city all alone, and why are you going to a yoga class on Thanksgiving morning?] Because I was all alone on a Wednesday night, I decided to go to the stretchy relaxy yoga class I often intend to go to, but rarely do. Yoga was great. There were just three of us and the instructor cracked silly jokes the whole time. [Wait, why was the yoga class funny?] By the end of class I was loose as a goose. [Goose meat is tough, not loose].
One of the yogis had been dropped off by her husband and baby at the beginning of class. [What is a yogi, and why does it leave its baby?] As we rolled up our yoga mats she asked if anyone was heading towards the west side of town. Her baby was sleeping at home and her husband didn't want to wake him. "I'm not too far from there and I've got nothing going on so I'll bring you" I said. [Don't give strangers rides at night, especially ones that leave their babies].
She hopped in my car and we started talking about animals. She told me her life had been changed years ago when she adopted a rat. [Who the hell adopts a rat?] She heard about him on a message board. He was intended as snake food and the snake rejected him. So she rescued him from the owner and got him into an animal rescue. He was unadoptable due to his skiddish nature so the temporary adoption agency called her and told her they would have to euthanize him. She couldn't deal with this idea so she took him. She nurtured him from a fearful rat as he "blossomed into a beautiful little person". They lived together for years until one day, at an elderly age, he died sleeping in his rat hammock. [Why would you welcome a rat into your house, and how do you furnish a rat with a hammock?]
"That's a beautiful story" I said. "We should all go that way". I was comforted that she felt obliged to rescue a rat twice. We need more rat rescuers in this world. [No, we need to kill all the rats in this world]
As we drove on I discovered that like myself she was a participant in a Kooky two house living situation. [So there's two of y'all carrying on this way, huh?] Her deal trumped mine though. She and her husband were both liberal arts professors. [Figures] She taught in Oregon while he was a professor locally. And, they also have a year old baby together. I asked how this all works out and she explained that for half the year she is basically a single mom. She said if they could ever find jobs in the same city that would be great, but that her current situation was working out for now. [There's something funny going on with this deal]
As we tinkered along the nighttime city streets in my car a pair of glowing eyes suddenly appeared on the side of the road. "A kitty! " she exclaimed. I slowed, swerved and avoided the cat. We both took deep breaths of relief. Shortly after we arrived at her house. "It was nice getting to know you" I said. "You too" she replied. "And we survived the kitty cat incident!" she added. [Y'all are a mess and you don't even know each others' names]
And then, I drove home.
"Y'all are a mess and you don't even know each other's names." is exactly what a rural Tennessean would say.
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