What I learned from Steve

Margaritte is my best childhood friend and her dad Steve "passed into the infinite universe" last week (her beautiful words, not mine). I'm sad for Mar and her family, and sad for me too. I fondly refer to all the time spent at her house as my alternate childhood. I believe that a big part of who I am is owed to the time I spent in Steve and Vic's home.

One of the biggest lessons I learned from Steve was the value of engaging others to share experiences. I can't count the number of times I heard Steve say to Mar or her brothers, "Come here (grit), I want to share this with you". The item he was sharing didn't have to be profound, and often it was something from one of his VHS taped shows, but his desire to share was sweet and deliberate.

Sometimes Steve wanted to share bigger experiences. Every year he took time, the beloved family station wagon, his partner Victoria, and a gaggle of children to one of his favorite places: Tanglewood, Massachusetts. Tanglewood Massachusetts is an outdoor music venue where the Boston Symphony plays. It's set in the Berkshires and it's nothing short of magical. Some of my fondest memories were created in the gardens and hedge mazes of Tanglewood thanks to Steve's appreciation of beauty, classical music, and shared experiences. 

More recently at Mar's wedding in Olympia, Washington, Steve was excited to show me the house he was renting with his soon to be in-laws and wife. He was struck by the cottage's beauty, and it was impossible not to share his enthusiasm for his temporary lodgings. After we toured the house he brought me out to the garden and made sure I sampled some of the amazing raspberries while he snapped a photo. 

Eating raspberries per Steve's orders

Taking time out to share things with the ones you love is important, and a little bit vulnerable. It's also a surefire way to snap into the present moment. Now, as an adult, it's something I do, thanks to Steve.

Steve took an active role in battling his demons. I'll never forget Steve's daily meditation time. Mar and I knew when the bedroom door was closed not to disturb! At the time I was too young to understand meditation, and probably thought it was silly, but I totally get it now. Taking care of yourself has to be a priority or you can't take care of anybody else. I now have such respect for Steve's ability to stay focused and committed to his mental health. Through role modeling, Steve's commitment to self-care has stuck with me. 

Steve could be relied on to be seen jogging around the West Rock neighborhood in his little running outfit. I think he ran every day. He wasn't fast, but he was steady, and consistent. Later in life when I began running somewhat religiously as a method of coping with my own stress, I reflected on Steve's steady as a rock running routine. As an adult I understood completely the importance of Steve's adherence to a strict exercise regimen.

Steve also had a very strict "food plan". A tall, lanky guy while I knew him, he had successfully lost a ton of weight that he was determined not to regain. As a result, he ate a very specific diet. A staple of the Steve diet was Fiber One cereal. At the time it was just another funny quirk to me. From time to time I would beg Mar to let me have a little of his Fiber One cereal which to me was a delicious treat. I don't think Mar shared my enthusiasm for Fiber One. Once again, Steve's food plan makes a whole lot more sense to me as an adult and taught me that achieving goals takes continuous discipline and attention to detail. 

Writing this, I'm struck by how mysterious Steve was to me as a child.  I wonder if I remember all his qualities because they were so foreign to me at the time. Regardless of the reasons memories of Steve have stuck with me over the years, I'm glad parts of him are forever embedded in me. I see pieces of him in my friend every time we are together, and those qualities will be passed onto her children.

Steve, I know you are out there in the universe running to your heart's content with an amazing head band on, sitting down to as many delicious bowls of Fiber One as one could desire, and watching your favorite shows recorded on VHS. Thank you for actively sharing your quirky self with us.

A very pregnant Margaritte, Steve, and Me showing off our wedding bling prior to Mar's wedding