After an emotionally taxing day for all in the household we decided to fight back against Momma Mockingbird. The last straw was when she successfully intimidated and attacked our smaller weiner dog Anna.
Joseph and I commiserated over the state of affairs.
"We gave her the whole front of our house" Joseph exclaimed.
"And it wasn't enough" I sighed.
She'd now taken to patrolling the whole house on top of a tall electric pole.
"Shouldn't she be feeding her babies or something? I think she has emotional issues."
Joseph agreed. Something just didn't add up.
Mockingbird mental health aside, we could no longer be prisoners in our own home. Today in full gear, Joseph and I went out for war. We were both equipped with spray bottles. Unfortunately there was only one pink sunhat.
Sure enough she swooped in for attack, but we weren't running for cover this time.
When I'm scared or grossed out and need to plough through a situation my inner hoodlum arises to take care of business. It's not a conscious decision I make. She's a bit coarse, but Inner Hoodlum gets shit done.
We walked through the front yard looking to start a fight. It was time to send a message.
Me: Come on bitch! Whatcha gonna do?? Why don't you go feed your babies you deadbeat??
Joseph: Silent but shooting at her with the spray bottle, arm outstretched trying to get as far from her as possible while still making contact.
Me: Can't fight me to my face, huh? Have to wait until I turn my back?? What now you little bitch?
During this she switched trees and branches and talked shit back in her weird little Mockingbird cackle.
Joseph and I decided to upgrade our artillery to super soakers. After a trip to Walmart we were all armed and we ambushed her. Waldo enlisted as well.
My hope is that after a couple of battles she'll mind her own damn business.
In the meantime when I walk out of any of my doors, I'm walking into a battleground.
Joseph and I commiserated over the state of affairs.
"We gave her the whole front of our house" Joseph exclaimed.
"And it wasn't enough" I sighed.
She'd now taken to patrolling the whole house on top of a tall electric pole.
"Shouldn't she be feeding her babies or something? I think she has emotional issues."
Joseph agreed. Something just didn't add up.
Mockingbird mental health aside, we could no longer be prisoners in our own home. Today in full gear, Joseph and I went out for war. We were both equipped with spray bottles. Unfortunately there was only one pink sunhat.
Sure enough she swooped in for attack, but we weren't running for cover this time.
When I'm scared or grossed out and need to plough through a situation my inner hoodlum arises to take care of business. It's not a conscious decision I make. She's a bit coarse, but Inner Hoodlum gets shit done.
We walked through the front yard looking to start a fight. It was time to send a message.
Me: Come on bitch! Whatcha gonna do?? Why don't you go feed your babies you deadbeat??
Joseph: Silent but shooting at her with the spray bottle, arm outstretched trying to get as far from her as possible while still making contact.
Me: Can't fight me to my face, huh? Have to wait until I turn my back?? What now you little bitch?
During this she switched trees and branches and talked shit back in her weird little Mockingbird cackle.
Joseph and I decided to upgrade our artillery to super soakers. After a trip to Walmart we were all armed and we ambushed her. Waldo enlisted as well.
My hope is that after a couple of battles she'll mind her own damn business.
In the meantime when I walk out of any of my doors, I'm walking into a battleground.
Thank goodness you have an inner hoodlum to watch your back!!
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