I live across the street from a farm. It's a pretty big farm and the farmer doesn't have his house on the farm. He lives about a mile away. The last couple nights he had been keeping his dog at the farm overnight and the dog barks through the night and disturbs my peaceful country slumber. If I wanted to be disturbed in the night by all manner of bullshit I'd go back to city living. I decided I'd say something to the farmer the next time I saw him.
This morning as I'm walking the dogs for their morning pee, I notice that they are all in hound dog mode. Something has been on the property and they are curious. My theory is that the coyotes got close to the house. I'm on one side of the house with two dogs when I hear my smallest dog (8 pounds) on the other side of the house giving her business bark. I run over to her. She has scared off a giant Border Collie. It's the barking Border Collie from the farm. And, from the looks of it, the Border Collie was checking out my chicken coop.
At this point I'm fed up and I decide to get New England on this farmer's ass and call him. (The Southern thing to do is mind my own business and if the dog comes back again, run him off).
Back in the house I dial his number. He picks up after the second ring.
"Farmer, this is your neighbor Mrs. Blue. Do you know this dog who has been barking all night? I just had him on my property near my chickens and he ran back to your place. I know your chickens aren't in a pen, so I'm not sure if he's going to eat them".
[In a thick southern accent] "Oh yeah, that's my old dog skeeter. She don't like storms, other day there was a storm and she just followed me on my tractor (from his house to the farm). She may or may not eat my chickens. I don't know. If you see her again, just shoot her with a bee bee gun. That'll teach her".
"Um, I don't want to hurt her"...
"Oh, it won't hurt her, but I'll try and bring her back up to the house".
"O.K. Thanks"!
There you have it. The Southern versus the Northern way of dealing with a pesky dog. Luckily for Skeeter, the North prevailed today.
This morning as I'm walking the dogs for their morning pee, I notice that they are all in hound dog mode. Something has been on the property and they are curious. My theory is that the coyotes got close to the house. I'm on one side of the house with two dogs when I hear my smallest dog (8 pounds) on the other side of the house giving her business bark. I run over to her. She has scared off a giant Border Collie. It's the barking Border Collie from the farm. And, from the looks of it, the Border Collie was checking out my chicken coop.
At this point I'm fed up and I decide to get New England on this farmer's ass and call him. (The Southern thing to do is mind my own business and if the dog comes back again, run him off).
Back in the house I dial his number. He picks up after the second ring.
"Farmer, this is your neighbor Mrs. Blue. Do you know this dog who has been barking all night? I just had him on my property near my chickens and he ran back to your place. I know your chickens aren't in a pen, so I'm not sure if he's going to eat them".
[In a thick southern accent] "Oh yeah, that's my old dog skeeter. She don't like storms, other day there was a storm and she just followed me on my tractor (from his house to the farm). She may or may not eat my chickens. I don't know. If you see her again, just shoot her with a bee bee gun. That'll teach her".
"Um, I don't want to hurt her"...
"Oh, it won't hurt her, but I'll try and bring her back up to the house".
"O.K. Thanks"!
There you have it. The Southern versus the Northern way of dealing with a pesky dog. Luckily for Skeeter, the North prevailed today.
Favorites of this post:
ReplyDelete1. "All manner of bullshit" (so true too)
2. "Business bark"
3. 8 pounds scaring off roughly 40 pounds
Love your writing